The hardest thing...

A year ago we bought a little yorkie/chihuahua puppy for Maylee. We named her Rue and the kids loved her. She very quickly became my dog and loved me very much and was very attached to me. I loved her but the potty training was driving me a bit crazy. But I was determined to push through the puppy stage and let Rue live out her life at our home. After I went to girls camp and then Idaho and was gone for two weeks straight, she was pretty upset and kept going potty in the house. After 3 weeks we could not break her of it it was getting worst and it was getting out of control, so David and I had decided it was time to find her a new home. I was having a really hard time deciding to give her up. I posted her on craigslist for $250 because I felt like if someone was willing to pay that much for her than they will surely love her. Well of course no one called, the price was too high. But then David found someone at work who said they wanted her and the deal was made and they were going to be taking her today. 

Before church yesterday David was watching me with Rue and finally asked, "Are you having second thoughts about getting rid of her?" Yes absolutely, I don't want to, I just want her to stop using my house as her toilet. 

Then last night  the kids wanted to go on a bike ride. I decided to let Rue come along. She loved going and I knew it would be her last ride with our family. David held her leash while he rode beside Maylee since they were going the slowest. After about 20 minutes of riding David and I decided Rue needed a rest so we put her in the bike trailer with Talli. We've done this several times before and all was well. While I was riding Rue jumped out of the trailer (she squeezed between the zippers) and fell between the wheels, with her leash still on it was choking her.  The second I realized what happened I jumped off the bike to grab her. She was only drug about 3 or 4 feet. She was acting a little funny when I picked her up. So David grabbed her and carried her home on his bike. When we got home we realized she was hurt more than we could have ever imaged. David tried figuring out if she broke something. She was bent in a circle with her head to her right hip. And she couldn't walk. David felt her all over and it didn't seem as if anything was broken. He said we needed to just let her rest. I put her in my closet on a towel and laid with her and she seemed to be getting worse. At this point David was thinking she broke her neck, but it was weird b/c she kept moving it. Then the more we watched her, her body starting responding weird. All of the sudden she would spin 180 in the air. She couldn't walk, she couldn't drink any water. And it was breaking my heart to watch her. I was an emotional wreck. David finally said that we might have to accept that we need to put her down. So I called my Mom to tell her what had happened. I could barely get the story out because I was sobbing hysterically. My mom said I could not allow her to be like that without doing something and I needed to take her in and probably put her to sleep. 

So David googled a 24 hour vet clinic and I drove her in. The drive was terrible, she just kept flopping and spinning and I thought for sure she was going to die on the way there. And I could tell every bump was hurting her. When I arrived at the clinic I ran through the doors and the nurse immediately stopped what she was doing and ran to me, (I was sobbing, she knew something was very wrong.) She asked me what happened and I just said she was ran over and I think she's dying. She grabbed her from me and rushed her back to the doctor.  Then I had to wait for almost 30 minutes to find out what was happening. It was the longest wait ever.

The doctor finally came into the room I was in and said that they have her on oxygen right now and  gave me my options. She said nothing was broken on her. She said she was suffering from extreme brain trauma.  She said I can take her home and do home healthcare on her, she'd have to stay on oxygen, pain injections, 24 hr watch for a couple of weeks, hand feedings and water and she said she MIGHT recover. She said age is on her side, she might learn how to walk again, she might even recover 100% or she might always have her head stuck to her right side. She said it's possible she has a fracture in her neck, she could preform surgery. And all of this is going to cost in the $1000's, she informed me. And it MIGHT only work. Of course I knew that we couldn't afford to do any of this and that putting her to sleep was my only option. I also believe that putting Rue through any of that would be extremely selfish and would not be in her best interest. But having to say she needed to euthanize was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I was sobbing and it took me three tries to finally get that word out. So they brought in the paperwork for me to sign and then asked if I would like to see her before or after. I said before, I wanted to say goodbye and try to comfort her one last time. The nurse brought her in wrapped in a huge comforter and said I had to hold her tightly to my chest to prevent her from rolling. I could only see her tiny face. I sat and held her and when ever I would say her name I could tell she would calm down for a second and then she would start panting so hard and was struggling to breath since they had taken her off oxygen. After about 3 minutes of me holding her she started trying to roll and she was so uncomfortable and I just couldn't handle it anymore. So I opened the door, and asked the nurse to please take her away, I just couldn't watch her suffer any longer. Then I had to get in my car and drive away. It is the hardest thing I have ever done up to this point in my life. Despite everything I have ever said about Rue, I loved her and I never ever wanted her life to end. I miss her, and I wish so badly that I could turn back time and make this all go away. I'm hoping that I'll eventually stop picturing her in that last hour of her life and only picture the good times with her. My kids and I will miss her.

 

Idaho/Montana

While I was at girls camp Fawn and Dawn drove up through Vegas on their way to the cabin in Idaho and picked up Dutch, Maylee and Talli. This was going to be the first time I was ever away from my kids for longer than 24 hours and I was feeling pretty anxious about it. If they were staying at my house while I was at girls camp it would have been no big deal, but they were taking my kiddos so far away. The cabin is a 12 hour drive from my house. And I wasn't going to see them for an entire 7 days. 

But the kids were excited and I knew they would be well taken care of. They picked up the kids at about 10am on Sunday and I surprised myself my sobbing when they drove away. I thought I would have held it together better.

I got home from girls camp on Thursday, then Friday David and I drove down to AZ for my dad's wedding (more on that later) and drove back to Henderson on Saturday. Sunday morning I woke up way to early to catch my flight to Idaho Falls. Jeremy picked me up at the airport and we had some good conversations on the 2 hour drive to the cabin.  I was so excited to see my kids but I was afraid Talli would not like me and be ticked at me for abandoning her for a week, I knew Dutch and Maylee were old enough to be fine. 

When we drove up Dawn had Maylee and Talli standing there holding a sign that said we missed you. I jumped out of the van ran over to the girls, knelt down and grabbed them in a big hug. And Talli started bawling, it was so precious to see how much she missed me. And then I stood up with her in my arms and she leaned over to Aunt Dawn and didn't want me again. So sad, at least I expected it and she warmed up to me pretty quickly the next day. I was most surprised by Maylee, she was my shadow for the next few days, she didn't want to leave my sight. And Dutch acted like he had just seen me two hours earlier.

The kids and I then spent the next week at the cabin playing with Dawn and Jeremy's family. Monday we drove through Yellowstone Park, it was about an 7 hour drive, I'm guessing. We saw some tourist sights, gorgeous views, tons and tons of buffalo, 3 black bears and some elk.

We got ice cream several times in town, rode quads, I played a lot of Pool with Austin, and lost a lot. Had some great quality bonding times with Dawn and Austin at midnight trying to catch a mouse, you had to be there it was hilarious. Saw the movie Brave, ate lots of junk food, rafted down the river, watched the Muppet movie more times than most people should watch it in their life time. Lots of great conversations with Dawn and Jeremy. Some feet detoxing, naps and good ol' relaxation. It really was a great week. 

Thanks Dawn and Jeremy for letting us crash in on your vacation.

At Yellowstone Park, watching the geysers.

A little hike to see a Waterfall

The kids got to ride horses one day. Although Maylee was terrified and would not go near a horse. Which completely surprised me and the biggest surprise of all was that Dutch jumped right on. 

Our trips to the Ice Cream Parlor

These are my feet when Connie was detoxing them.

The girls all fell asleep watching the movie while I was detoxing my feet. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We stopped in Salt Lake on the way home. We walked around the temple, toured the Conference center and grabbed some lunch. Best part was that Noah was able to meet me for lunch and visit for a little bit. 

Girls Camp

I had the opportunity to go to girls camp this year as a leader. Girls camp happened in the middle of June. And I was excited for it. I always loved girls camp as a youth so I was excited to experience it as a leader. Growing up girls camp was always done as a stake, however the stake we are in now does Ward Girls Camp every other year. So that was a new experience and I have to say I really enjoyed the smallness of a Ward Girls Camp. This year we camped on the North Rim of the Grand Canyon, near Jacobs Lake.

 I didn't have to do too much as a leader. Obviously we, as leaders, had to make sure that the girls were participating in activities and staying out of trouble, but our job was easy. 

We also had a lot of free time, which was wonderful. The girls got to sit around and chat, laugh and have a good time. Same with us leaders, and a few of us leaders enjoyed a few long walks through the woods.   I got to know the other leaders a lot better and really enjoyed our friendships.  The food was delicious, which was great and terrible at the same time since it seemed like I was eating all the time.

 

We took the girls to the North Rim of the Canyon. The Grand Canyon never seizes to amaze me and to take my breath away. It always puts me in awe of the uniqueness of Heavenly Fathers creations.

The Laurels decided to steal the Camp directors horn and the prank wars were on. The next morning since we didn't have our horn, us leaders woke up early and drove our 4 cars up to the Laurels tent  and laid on the horns. I think they might have been a bit regretful of taking the horn. But they still weren't giving it back. Then they spray pammed some of the leaders car windows, spray pam mixed with dust, dirty. So we snuck into their tents and hung their panties and bras from all the trees. It was all in good fun, and everyone had lots of good laughs.

Pictures with the buffalo.

 Erika (YW Pres. and I)

 Grand Canyon

Impromptu dance party 

The Leaders

 

I have to say that I really enjoyed going to girls camp and spending four days with the girls and other leaders away from the world. We have some really great girls in our ward and if Maylee and Talli end up as good as them I'll be one happy momma.