Jaxley Rae

My pregnancy with Jaxley was by far my easiest pregnancy. I was hardly sick and when I was sick I was able to keep it under control with my medications. I was able to exercise during the first trimester. Over all it was just a really easy pregnancy compared to the others. Mentally however it was my hardest pregnancy. After having miscarried, I was paranoid it was going to happen again. Especially since the pregnancy was starting out just like the miscarriage. This time since I wasn't sick I decided to see the doctor right away and figure out what was causing me to miscarry after having 3 healthy babies. I went to the doctor at 7 weeks. She was awesome, listened to all my concerns and told me she was going to figure it out. So she did an ultrasound that day, there was no baby in my yoke sack. I was so devastated. She said I was either miscarrying or I was not as far along as I thought. So she wanted to get lots of blood work done and then see me back in a week for another ultrasound. She was checking my hormone levels. In the beginning of a pregnancy they are suppose to double every 24 hours. So I had my blood drawn, and the doctor who was amazing called me at ten o'clock that night to let me know that my hormone levels looked perfect and everything was measuring right where it should be. So she said getting my blood drawn exactly 24 hours later to see if the numbers had doubled was very important. So I went in the next day to get stuck with a needle (I really hate needles) and my levels were originally at 1800 and had only gone up 400 instead of doubling. So we all excepted it was another miscarriage. But she still wanted me to come in for another ultrasound. So a week later I went in and low and behold to everyone's surprise there was a heartbeat. I was excited but nervous. So she just said I wasn't as far along as I thought. However at that second ultrasound they discovered that I have a very large cyst on my right ovary. My perinatal specialist wanted it removed at 12 weeks, but my OB felt like it would be ok to wait until the baby was born. Because of the situation they wanted to monitor this pregnancy more closely. The only problem was the kids and I were packing up to move to AZ for 6 weeks while David headed to OH to start work. I would be without insurance and would not be able to see a doctor until I arrived in OH. And I was having a hard time accepting that everything was fine and that I would not miscarry.

This is when I finally realized the effect that miscarriage had on me. I was absolutely terrified to lose another baby. And I made it clear to David if I lost this one that I wouldn't do it again. We would just have to be happy with our 3, I wasn't going to keep going through the pain of losing babies. A couple weeks after I was in AZ, mom and I drove up to Vegas one day for one last ultrasound and doctor appointment before my insurance there expired. I was 9 weeks at that visit and everything was still looking great, strong heartbeat. Then somewhere between 10 and 11 weeks, I started having low back cramps and I freaked out. I was at Dad's house when it happened and I was a mess. Dad gave me a blessing and Jackie was able to get me in for another ultrasound appointment with one of her friends who owns a 3D ultrasound business. And still there was a healthy heartbeat. It was time for me to accept that everything really was fine and that I was not losing another baby. By the time I was able to get into a doctor in Ohio I was 20 weeks. Everything was still sailing smoothly but because of my history my doctor here still wanted to monitor me closely. I had ultrasounds every 4 weeks until the last month and then every 2 weeks. At this point the only reason they were still doing ultrasounds was because baby was measuring so big. My glucose test came back normal, no pregnancy diabetes but baby was huge. At 34 weeks baby was measuring 7lbs. It was so funny to me that baby was measuring big since I have never had a big baby. But I played along with them, even though I thought for sure they were going to be way off.

I had talked to my OB about David delivery this baby and she was all game for it. I had decided not to find out the gender, mostly because Dutch wanted a brother so badly that I was afraid if we found out it was a girl he would just be ticked and angry for the next 5 months of the pregnancy, but I thought if he comes to the hospital and it was a girl, he would have a cute baby to hold and he wouldn't care that it was not a boy. Plus since David was delivering I thought it would be fun for him to announce the gender. As my due date got closer I kept hoping that baby measuring bigger just meant that I would deliver early. But nothing, of course, was happening. So we schedule an induction because my Dr. didn't want me going all the way to term with as big as baby was measuring. But with David's crazy work schedule, I was only able to have her 5 days early anyways. But Fawn and Mom were both able to get here in time for the birth which I really did want them to be here so it worked out perfectly in the end.

The day of the induction Mom helped me take down all the wallpaper in the hall bathroom. And David picked up Fawn from the airport. At 9:45pm  David and I headed down to the hospital. I was group B positive again, so we knew nothing would be happening until at least 4am because they wanted to get at least one dose of antibiotics in me. Since David is friends with one of the OB residents he was able to get us the biggest/nicest delivery room as well as the nicest recovery rooms. It was a nice perk! We arrived at the hospital and they got me all hooked up and started on antibiotics. At 4am they started me on Pitocin and Mom and Fawn showed up. Everything went super smoothly. I got my epidural a few hours later and it worked this time.  Pretty soon the contractions started really hurting and my epidural wasn't doing to much anymore. My nurse checked me and I had gone from a 4 to 8. Then it seemed like 20 minutes later I was at a ten. The Dr. came in and her and David got all scrubbed in for the delivery. I'm not sure how long I pushed this time around, it seemed like it went pretty fast. David got to deliver her which was a really neat experience. As soon as he pulled the baby out I was the first to say, "its a girl!" I think there was a little bit of a shock wave, pretty much everyone had thought it would be a boy. But we are very happy with another little girl. And she was by far my biggest baby. This girl came out with a double chin and all. She weighed in at 8lbs 15.4oz, and was 21 1/4 inches long. Big healthy baby girl! She was born at 12:10pm.

Once I got cleaned up a bit, Downi, who was watching the kids, brought them to the hospital. I was holding Jaxley and the kids walked over to the bed and I said, "you have a baby sister." Dutch's poor little face just fell, and he just said, "Ok." It was kind of heart breaking, but David took them right over to the chair to hold her and he has been smitten ever since. I am so glad that I waited until the delivery to find out the gender, I really think Dutch handle it so well because she was already here and he could hold her. The kids got to hang out with us for a little bit and then Fawn and Mom took them home, so David and I could get some rest. We had a bunch of David's fellow residents stop by to visit and meet Jaxley, which was a lot of fun, since I haven't met many of them. We had a lot of visitors this time around and it was fun to show her off. She is absolutely precious and we are all in love.

As for her name.... when David and I were dating, I was working at a doctors office with my roommate Cindy and we were talking about baby names. One day I thought of the name Jax for a little girl and I fell completely in love with the idea of a little girl name Jax. But I wanted to girlie it up a bit so I came up with Jaxley. I wrote it down in my journal and the middle name I choose for it was Jaxley Tate. I loved it, I swore I would name my first girl Jaxley. And then I got pregnant with my first and I was nervous to use it. I was afraid it was to much of a name for the world to accept. Then when I was pregnant with Talli it was the same thing. After I had Talli I really regretted not using the name. I still was in love with the name and now I was worried I wouldn't have anymore girls to use the name with. So I was secretly hoping for a little girl, just so I could finally use the name. And I am so glad I did. I have had this name picked out for over ten years and I am so glad I got the chance to use it. We didn't go with Tate, because it's become a boy name since then and I felt she needed a girlie name to balance out the name Jax. I had come up with the name Raine. I thought it would be fun to have a name the went with the theme of my name. And her name was Jaxley Raine for about a day, then David decided he just didn't like it. So we spent the next day and a half in the hospital trying to come up with a middle name that we both liked. Not an easy thing to do, I do not understand how people wait until the baby is born to name them. It caused way to much tension between David and I. David finally said he liked Rae, at that point I didn't care anymore I just wanted her to have a middle name. So literally as we were walking out of the hospital being discharged we stopped at the desk on our way and told the Social Security people that her name was Jaxley Rae. They were not very happy with us for waiting until the very last minute, but who cares its our child's name, kind of important! And that is how she ended up being Jaxley Rae. I love her and she is just perfect!!!

 

It really was so neat for David to be able to deliver Jaxley!

 

She looked so chubby when she came out. Check out that chin!

 

 

This picture was taken the second after I said it's a baby sister. See how Dutch's face just fell.

 

He's good now!

 

Maylee holding her for the first time.

 

Talli meeting Jaxley!

 

And then there was four!

 

Baby Jax!

 

Mimi and Jaxley!

 

Beautiful baby!

My Saddest Experience

 I got my IUD taken out the end of January and I was able to get pregnant right away. However I sensed something was wrong with the pregnancy, I didn't get sick at all and I was feeling pretty good. And then at almost 10 weeks I started spotting and figured I had miscarried. Having never miscarried before I didn't know what to expect. So I figured the spotting was it. Then a couple of days later, Mandy was watching the kids and David and I went out on a date. We went to see a movie, Oz the Great and Powerful (I'll probably never forget that) during the movie I started cramping really badly and bleeding. When the show was over David dropped me off at home and went to get the kids. I curled up in bed in a lot of pain. I was bleeding and passing huge clots and it was pretty bad. It was just like being in labor with a full term baby, which still doesn't make sense to me since the baby could not have been bigger than an inch. The contractions were coming really close together and were really strong. At one point I decided I was ready for an epidural, which wasn't going to happen. Not to long after the contractions were at there strongest, I passed what looked like a perfectly formed placenta, super tiny probably only two inches long and I knew then that it was finally all over, that was about 2am and then after that the contractions died down and I was finally able to sleep. I don't think I properly mourned the loss when it first happened. I knew something was wrong with the pregnancy and expected that I might miscarry, so when I did I didn't properly mourn or realize how much it affected me until I got pregnant with Jaxley. Miscarrying is a horrible experience. What I realized through this experience is how strange it is that we wait until usually the 2nd trimester to announce a pregnancy to make sure everything is going well. But then when you miscarry before you tell anyone even though I know it makes no sense, I felt a sense of anger and resentment that no one was there to comfort me and mourn with me. And I hated that no one knew about this baby that I had already loved and attached myself too. And that no one was going to love this baby the way that I already did. I realized that I wanted the world to know about this baby, I didn't want this baby to be a painful secret kept between David and I. I wanted people to know there was a baby, we loved this baby and we lost this baby. My heart aches for anyone who goes through a miscarriage, its a horrible, painful, heart breaking experience. And as sad and awful as the experience was, at the same time I am grateful for the experience. I can know truly empathize with others and know of the very real pain that they experience. Before I felt bad and thought I understood how hard it must be, but once I actually experienced it, I now KNOW just how painful it is and I feel like I can help others better now because of the loss of an unborn baby.